These Are Just Words
Saturday, December 17, 2011
3:27AM - So It Goes
You can always go back to your soul mate. That's what makes them your soul mate.
I love Greek. It has some of the best quotes.
I'm so glad that classes are out. Even though I hate my projects. Most of them.
I guess I should go to sleep now, but I felt like I was neglecting you.
I can honestly say I don't know. I hesitate so that's a bad sign.
Love and hugs.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
12:52AM - Out In the Open
I love it so. Am I dependent on it? I would think no. But is it sad that I love you so? You bring about a feeling that I can't compare anything else with. Nothing is as good.
It's true, you know?
They were only there for 5 minutes! Speaking of 5 minutes...
Girl, get in the car in 5 minutes, and I'll work some magic!
Hahaha cracks me up every time.
Real, real, real, real.
Sometimes I wondered if I would have done what I wanted to, if things would have ended up different. I suppose I'll still make the gesture someday, but late is late.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda ended up alone.
Your eyes are still prettier than mine.
So let me go?
I I I I feel....
I just do.
You could show some interest.
For once I am the one showing more cards.
Don't let it go to your head.
It's not a good sign.
I should take my own advice, but I'll never let it go.
I know it's true.
Til my dying day...
Love.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
8:34PM - Prison
I don't know what leads me. I've been told that I just know. I know what's right when it's right and I shouldn't second guess so much. I suppose that's true. I've always got that feeling, when I know what I'm doing. Makes sense.
I hear it calling my name. Tug me some more.
But why am I so uneasy?
What leads me here to write. To write for years and then not write for years. What makes me come here for my emotional outlet?
I yawn. Chinese breath. That was the world's best egg roll. Even cold. Prolly even better that I left it cold.
Still waiting for those cds in the mail.
I need to do the dishes.
I can love it if I want.
Still no inspiration. I need to pick a meaningful object and I can't think of one. How bad is that?
I know, I miss you, too.
Love and soon.
Friday, November 11, 2011
6:38PM - Gravy
I must post on 11/11/11.
I think you'd think it is pretty. Just so you know.
Other than that I don't have much to say.
Is it sad the most exercise I've had has been in the form of DDR?
We all know the answer to that.
I have a bunch of art to do, but I can't decide what to do... Hm.
I need my muse.
Hope you're well.
Love and blinds.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
3:40AM - Simply Sweet
The feeling of you close
Fingertips lightly brushing
That takes my breath away
Crackles the spark
For a moment all I can hear is
My pounding steady pulse
I want to sigh though
I am still
Afraid to move or speak
Ruin our moment that
Doesn't even feel real
In the first place
I start to wonder
If this is only a dream
So I turn to the stars
That are so clear to me
I pretend they are mine
They point my way home
And I breathe you in
Because your scent twines with the air
It doesn't just fill my lungs
But fills me completely
So I hold my breath because I would rather
Suffocate
Than take another meaningless breath
Skin to skin
Nose to cheek
A cocoon of us
When I was myself
Before I turned into this version of
The girl who
Lays awake at night
Avoiding peaceful sleep
So she can day dream of
That Simply Sweet.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
1:28AM - Burst
Holy shit this story makes me want to cry. Every guy I see tomorrow I am going to want to call a bastard. For sure.
Then of course I'm reading it and I have this song stuck in my head.
If you hate it just say so okay?
Go to sleep. You're going to be late tomorrow.
I love you more than all the rest.
I write a lot in my head at night. I'm sure I've said that many times before, but it's true. More interesting things than what I'm typing now.
Like how I never wanna see you go.
And the only stars I wanna see are in your eyes.
I'm being cheesy, but I just miss you is all.
I miss me.
Yes, that grammar was bad, but I'm aware.
Stay with me, until I fall asleep. Stay with me and kiss it all better.
Oh the what should have been.
Do you believe?
Love and short.
Friday, October 14, 2011
1:02AM - I Plead the Fifth
If I could take it back, well then I prolly wouldn't have done it in the first place, now would I?
Hardass.
For what it's worth... I'm sorry. Sometimes something stupid I've done just nags at me.
I mess up daily.
People look at me like I'm retarded here. Just cuz I don't like to use my words.
I like this song very much, yes.
There wasn't much else I had to say, at least nothing else was bothering me.
I'm doing laundry and cleaning up a bit. It's one. I tried to sleep and couldn't. Figured I'd get some of this shit out of the way so I can jump and go tomorrow.
I've got shit to do and I'm tired, but I can't sleep.
Strange world we live in.
Happy week, week happy to you.
I really want a He Is We cd. Or everything. It's a great stuff. That and to give blood. It's my way of giving back.
Don't you roll your pretty eyes at me.
Am I talking to myself now?
Love and laundry.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
3:54PM - Sounds Good Right?
So I'll always assume the worst.
I wanted to post last night/this morning, but I guess I was too lazy.
Sad sad.
By the way, such a freaking catching song.
I don't understand you all. Always up and down. Mood swings are giving me a headache.
Lying lying lying. Can't fool me. I was born a liar.
I wanna have some fun.
I should have painted all day yesterday, and all day today.
I don't like the unfamiliar.
I always use the word I too much, but that's just me trying to avoid talking about you.
Love and sweat.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
11:10PM - Girl, You Crazy
So... I finished one project and I haven't touched another.
Ugh ugh ugh. Shitty project.
I'm going to have to work on it before class tomorrow or she'll know I didn't touch it.
It's due Wednesday.
Stupid Wednesdy.
And then...
So tired.I will sleep for real.
Insane, insane, insane.....
Born ready.
Left me alone for hours.
Love and Wednesdays...
12:31AM - Then..
You know I lay in bed at night and write these nightly posts in my head...
Never get to say what I want to say.
Just like now.
Love and Family Guy.
Friday, September 23, 2011
1:54AM - Just... Yeah
Excuse me honey, but yooooou look like a super model.
I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with popping bottles.
I met your boyfriend he said "I already got her".
But he dk me; I'm magic like Harry Potter.
Love and fun.
1:36AM - Itch
Why is it that I never think to write until I'm really fn tired and it's too damn late.
I don't think my brain functions properly.
Hard to break old habits, but is it really that easy to form new ones?
A reversible comforter and I still dislike change.
Shit shit shit.
At least she liked it. TWSS. That doesn't make sense Jade and it's not funny.
You're a paint scraper! Maybe it will get rid of all this Laffy Taffy. I don't like that anyways.
I dk, maybe the banana kind.
Is it next weekend yet? Graham Colton... Yes, no, maybe? Elusive? Illusive? You dk what I'm trying to say.
Do some crunches you fatty.
I can feel bad just a little bit.
Bugs bugs bugs. Bug babies. Ew.
Cant remember the last time I had a coke.
I wonder what taking coke is like. I would NEVER be the same.
Surprisingly? Or no? I've been typing non-stop for a whole 5 minutes. Or have I? You know I could have spaced out and never have realized it.
This is for all the talking I don't do. My inner voice. Yes in the form of a penguin.
That's not special anymore, I mean who the fuck doesn't like penguins? You're a sick bastard.
Speaking of bastards haven't you people heard of birth control?
Jade, haven't you heard of spell check?
Spanish tomorrow and then what? I have no reason to go home. Damn I meant to wash my towels tonight. Guess I'll do that tomorrow.
You're going to be so proud. I know I'm lame. Forgive me? I'm not feeling very forgiving at the moment.
My first love was a fish. Haha I can't remember my first pet. I think it was a rabbit actually.
Story repeat. No thank you.
I wonder what a Spanish keyboard looks like or if they just press a shift-like button for special things. I just typed special wrong 3 different ways. I must be fn tired.
Am I've not said a damn thing worth any importance.
How was my day? Well besides scrapping or scraping dk which tables and my project critique all I did way watch old episodes of Glee and play tetris.
But wait a minute, didn't you go like on a month "binge" of doing nothing but playing tetris for like a month? Yeah I think I did like for or 5 years ago.
I love how you remind me of all my fuck ups. Thanks for that.
And now I'm in a mood so have a wonderful day dear.
Love and bugs.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
4:35PM - Normal
Fuck my ass if everything I wrote didn't just get erased.
I need a nap. I need a bath.
I slept too long in the first place.
I hope I win those BSJ tickets. Cross your toes.
I'm not as weird as I used to be.
Actually I'm pretty normal around here.
Forget this post because, well, forget them all.
Love and toes.
Friday, September 16, 2011
11:53PM - Lots O Sh---tuff.
You're so full of shit.
I've got to write this damn Art History paper. I'll do it Sunday.
I'm so unobservant. And I lose shit.
Stupid retreat tomorrow. Better be fn worth it. I totally don't want to do this all day.
I'm glad we didn't get to drive back this weekend. I dislike the back and forth. Seems like wasted time.
Need to get my tv and ps2.
I eat way to damn much.
I am not a dancer.
This journal is bullshit.
Love and shit.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
12:36AM - On My Mind
It's amazing how I can remember so many passwords.
It was hard to go to sleep last night even though I'm so tired.
And now I'm typing instead of sleeping.
I'm sorry my ideas are not as complex as you'd like them to be.
I'm hungry all the damn time now. Growl, grown.
Yawn again. Brush your teeth.
I would like to sleep in Saturday, but that's not going to happen.
Maybe if I did drugs I'd have better ideas.
I don't have enough time to think of project ideas because I'm always working on something.
Guess I'll do a lot on Friday and Sunday.
Love and butt cracks (multiple).
Monday, September 12, 2011
2:06AM - Bloch
You were talking to me and I couldn't respond because the only thing going through my mind was "blue blue blue...". God I hope my mouth was closed.
Meant to post this a few days ago, but never got around to it. Maybe if I write it down it will go away. I'm sure there's a lot to say right now, but I've got information overload to the point I can't think straight.
Love and puns.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
9:37PM - I Deserved It
So it's stuck on repeat. Just like me.
Little snippets that mean nothing at all. Continue to say the same words over and over.
I'm nervous as hell, but I am not alone. I will not be a parasite. I can do this. I just don't know who I'm going to take with me this time.
Time to cut ties. You have to break to re-build. It's as simple as that.
Some people were just meant to make an appearance.
I can push and push. Is it a sign?
It's a change in my way of thinking. I'll make a list to tell myself the same thing every day. Maybe I'll make a painting to hang in my room as a reminder.
It's time to start making art again. It's the one thing that I'm really good at. I can say that. I shouldn't doubt myself so much.
To turn topics... I'm sick of mothering my mother. Has she ever been a mother to me? In the early years yes, but she was drunk most of the time.
Life is just life and I am aware that I've wasted a lot of time trying to fade away.
I'm better off without you. I'm being selfish and I'm okay with it.
It's my fallback song that always makes me smile and want to cry.... Time after time.
I'm going to start with treating myself better. It makes me sad with the way I view myself.
I have a goal of where I want to be in a year. Whether you're there or not I don't know. I don't know if I'm letting it up to you or if I'll decide.
Friday was fun. It was so good to see you again. That's one friend I can always comfortably talk to and never feel judged.
Say Anything.
I've lost you in your eyes. You'll never see me the same. Not that shining love that says I can do no wrong. That makes me sad.
I'm tired of being sad and feeling sorry for myself.
I'd break myself 2,838 times just to improve.
That's a choice word that isn't even what I meant to say. I just don't know how.
My perfect first kiss would be at a Foo Fighter's concert during Everlong. Like you've never imagined something like that.
I just want to be positive for a change. I'm always so negative. And maybe start saying Yes instead of always saying No.
Love and soul.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
8:30PM - Loverly
You got me caught in all this mess
I guess we can blame it on the rain
My pain is knowing I can't have you
I can't have you
Tell me,
Does she look at you the way I do
Try to understand the words you say and the way you move
Does she get the same big rush when you go in for a hug
and your cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy
Or is this more than a crush
I catch my breath the one who took the moment you
entered the room
My heart it breaks at the thought of her holding you
Does she look at you the way I do
Try to understand the words you say and the way you move
Does she get the same big rush when you go in for a hug
and your cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy am I crazy
Or is this more than a crush
Maybe I'm alone in this but I find peace in solitude
knowing
If i had but just one kiss this whole room would be
glowing
We'd be glowing
We'd be glowing
Does she look at you the way I do
Try to understand the words you say and the way you
move
Does she get the same big rush when you go in for a hug
and your cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy am I crazy
Or is this more than a crush
Love and tuesdays.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
9:54PM - The Perfect Pair
Why do I care? Why do I spend time wondering?
What do you see when you look at me? I can tell in the the way your eyes look how you feel.
That's a naive statement.
Words are fake. Actions say so much more.
It's still hard not to cry sometimes. For no reason at all.
I guess I've always been this way.
Self hate? Give me something to believe in.
We're so blind and I am so dependent.
What were we thinking?
I just want to get this right. Something for me. I write and write and it means nothing. Just like my actions and yours or the lack of.
This is where we were always meant to be. I wonder sometimes if I was suppose to let go of this earlier. I feel as if I've been sitting at the crossroads for as long as I remember. I don't know who I'm waiting on or if I'm supposed to go alone. You know sometimes I feel like that would be better, but I know it wouldn't.
I felt empty for the first time yesterday. I'm always so damn dramatic. It's like you know what's best for me when I can't even tell which way is up.
It still hurts to know you're better off without me.
So I listen to this amazingly depressing music and sigh.
We are an island. You're so graceful.
Maybe I imagined it all, but I feel as if I don't dream enough.
Where would you like to be in 5 years? Am I there? I highly doubt I am part of your plans. Sitting on the sidelines or not even in the picture.
What is with everyone having kids? You do realize you're making Alabama the stereotype it is, don't you? I'm 21 and single with no kids. That sounds freakin' perfect to me.
Don't get me wrong. I believe a kid is somewhere in the future, but no where near.
I bet you're wondering is she done with all this damn self pity? No. Not just yet.
I wish I had the words to show you that I'm believable.
I feel like I can't go back there though I've thought about it many times.
I could have done something great there, though I chose not to.
Wasting away.
I think you're stuck more than I am. You say things you don't feel. I can feel you don't. It hurts more when you say you do and I know you don't than you not saying anything at all.
Or does it hurt more knowing you do, but refuse to do anything about it?
I'm not good enough for anyone right now because I'm not good enough for myself.
Type. Rock. Back. Forth.
I'm losing touch.
I can't wait until my breaking point. It will be a welcomed sight.
I think I'm ready to have a real conversation with you.
I'm forgetting you. I can hardly remember your laugh, touch, smell, or mannerisms.
Would you still welcome me with open arms if you were still here?
You've got me losing control.
Skip to the ending. We'd all peek if we could.
Don't be afraid.
Let's give it a shot.
Do I end up happy?
I'd like to know.
Love and endings.
Friday, August 12, 2011
12:38AM - Stuck
So we came to a conclusion, but we won't speak of it. Not again. Not after the initial decision.
I think it's funny that we share a secret. One I've never told anyone, and I doubt you told anyone either. It's kind of nice.
That scares me. I hope not. Oh, I hope not times 1000.
It makes me a horrible person. I can't believe I did that, let alone thought of doing that.
One day I won't even remember- just like a lot of other things I've already forgotten.
And we let go because we don't know how to hold on.
I hate the way you look at me.
We agreed, but we didn't do anything about it and it hurts.
I knew this a long time ago. Why does it feel like I'm always waiting?
If you're not waiting then what are you?
I hate the way I look at you.
The Bone. Possibly the only song by them I'm not crazy about.
Love and not much else.
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